LIBERTINE DREAMS – I SHOT THE BIRD AT THE BIRD THAT THEN SHAT ON ME

They say in life that when things don’t go your way or when something bad happens and you can’t do anything about it, you should move on, let it go, and go on with your day.

However, egos and negative energy blind us, and we often further the bad that has fallen upon us.

Case in point…

I came out of Walmart yesterday. It was sunny with a light but steady wind. The temperature was like high 70s. Based on the weather these last couple months, it was a great day.

Well, when I arrived at my car, there was a splat of bird poop on my driver’s side window. It had even dripped down to the lower window sill and was encrusted into the rubber seal.

I had to get that off. There was no way I was going to ride around with it and having to look through it. Yuk!

I’d placed my items inside on the rear seat and then went to my trunk for my spray bottle that contains a 50/50 mixture of Simple Green and water. That ratio is good for safely cleaning just about anything.

With it and a towel, I’d removed the offending fowl feces with a quickness.

After completing my unsavory task, I looked up in anger at the power lines high above me.

There were about twenty or so warblers up there, and in my opinion, they were looking down upon me.

I’d decided to give them a piece of my mind, and since I don’t speak bird whistle, I’d figured I’d use sign language. Give them something they can see, you know?

So, I’d shot them the bird!

I’d raised it as high and proudly as the Statue of Liberty holds her torch.

That’s right, I was showing them!

Remember that part about when something bad happens and you can’t do anything about it, and how you should just move on with your day?

My hand, the one with the saluting insult, the one held high…was hit with a poop bomb so large that it was covered completely; even my wrist!

That’s right. One of those feathered mofos got me! It got me good!

A single shot!

What are the odds? 

What are the chances of that ever happening?  

I began to hear laughter, but there was no one around. 

It was as if karma and those birds were all in on a big joke, and I was the mark.

I could see them up there, hopping and flapping their wings.

They were enjoying themselves so much that I started laughing at myself. 

It was so good that I wished there was a crowd around to witness the irony.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t.  

But, good for me because where I’m from, New Orleans, getting pooped on by a bird is good luck. 

Exactly about an hour later, almost to the minute, two people who’d owed me money for months, called me within fifteen minutes of each other…

It was then that I realized that those birds weren’t laughing at me; they were celebrating the beginning of all the good fortune coming my way.

Creole Gaudet

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The views and opinions in Libertine Dreams are those of the author and make no guarantees or promises regarding the accuracy, reliability, or completeness of the information presented. It is solely for entertainment purposes.

DOPE BOY CHRONICLES – EPISODE #1.17 – THE STALL

Copyright ©2020 by Creole Gaudet. All rights reserved.

No part of this chronicle may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by an information storage and retrieval system – except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review to be printed in a magazine or newspaper – without permission in writing from the publisher, Creole Gaudet.


HOME – 12:45 a.m.

“Are you hungry? How about a sandwich?”

“That sounds great, baby.” I took a spot on the sofa and turned on the TV.

“What do you want on it?”

“What kind are you making?”

“I can make any kind you want. Turkey, ham…?”

“Ham… Is there any cheese?”

“Swiss?”

“Perfect.”

“Iced tea?”

“Sure… Thanks, Sway.”

“I love you, Andre.”

“I love you, too.”

As I sat eating, Sway was quiet. I could sense her discontent.

My phone rang. It was Demi. She’d gotten off work early and was two minutes away. I stuffed the last quarter into the side of my cheek and hurried down to let her in.

Sway had already washed my plate and was in bed and under the covers when Demi and I returned. “Oh, is she asleep?”

“I think so… She’s tired.”

“Well, let me hurry and get out of here and…”

“Oh no, you’re good… Have a seat. Tell me all about what’s going on at Big John’s.” From my periphery, I saw Sway lift her head. “I haven’t been there in a while.”

“Same shit, just a different day… Trying to give these young girls the benefit of my experience in this business, but will they learn? No! Will they listen? No!”

“You know how they are. They don’t understand anything until it’s too late.”

“Yes!” Demi scooped a generous bump through her cut straw. “Then they come to me crying, hyperventilating and trying to catch their breath… Something I’d just told them to not do a week before…they do it anyway and are suffering the consequences, wanting comforting and understanding… If they’d just listen from the start, you know?”

“I know.”

Sway sighed, shifting her legs. “Oh oh… I think it’s time for me to get on my way.” Demi leaned in with a grin. “You may have your own set of consequences.”

“Let me walk you out…”

“No, it’s alright. I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?”

“I got it…”

“I’ll walk you out anyway.”

We’d quietly exited the building and were heading towards Demi’s car. “Is everything alright, Andre?”

“I hope so…”

“Trouble in paradise already?”

“Actually, no. It’s like… I have a surprise for her and it’s… I booked a room downtown for us and I want it to be special…”

“Ah… I see.” She removed the keys from her purse. “You’re holding out the sex, and she’s frustrated.”

“Damn! How’d you…?”

“You got trouble, man.” Demi sat behind the wheel of the slate gray Camry and started the engine. “You have you a full-on shit-storm coming your way.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah…” She chuckled. “You’re on a powder keg that’s waiting to go off at any moment. What day is your setup for?”

“In the morning.”

“Oh! Well, that’s great… The poor girl won’t be suffering too long.”

“Yeah, that’s true… Demi… I don’t like her suffering at all.”

“You’re in love, man. That’s beautiful. She’s in love with you, too. I could see it when I first met her. I think you’ve found the one, Andre.”

Sway appeared, arms folded, scanning the area as she traipsed towards us. “Is everything okay, baby?”

“Yeah, I just came out to see what you two are talking about…get some air.” She forced a smile. “Hey, Demi.”

“Hey, sweetie. She’s such a doll, Andre. So pretty.”

Sway locked her arms tightly around me, placing her head firmly in my chest. “Thank you.”

“Well, I’m pooped. I have to go and get me some rest and start it all over again. My life. I’ll probably stop and pick up again tomorrow if it’s okay.”

“Anytime, Demi. You know that.”

Sway and I watched as she drove away. She looked up at me. “Now that that’s out of the way, do you have time for me now?”

“To make out?”

“To make love, silly.”

We entered the stairwell. Sway was ahead of me. “I have to be honest with you, baby. I don’t think I’m feeling too well.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. It’s like it’s my stomach or something.”

“Does it hurt? You need to use the toilet?”

We entered the room. I closed and locked the door behind us. “No, it’s like there’s a lot going on in there. I need to be still for a while. It’s like I can’t move or shake too much or I’m going to throw up.”

Sway stood, towering above me as I curled onto the sofa, drawing my knees to my chest. “Just go on to sleep, baby. I think I’m going to chill here for a little while…”

Creole Gaudet

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