Copyright ©2020 by Creole Gaudet. All rights reserved.
No part of this chronicle may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by an information storage and retrieval system – except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review to be printed in a magazine or newspaper – without permission in writing from the publisher, Creole Gaudet.
MARCH 8, 2020
KNOCKOUT SPORTS BAR – NORTHWEST HIGHWAY – 1:38 p.m.
Sway and I decided to have our meals packaged for take-home. Sway glanced the Lyft app, eyeing the driver’s progress. “They’re less than a block away. We’re looking for a twenty-twenty Toyota.”
We’d stepped through the door when Tyler spotted the bright red Camry. “Here it is.”
“I’d held open the rear driver’s side door. Tyler slid in first. As Sway settled, I handed her our food and took my place next to her.”
“Hello!” The driver, a chubby older lady with short gray hair, turned, lowering her hot pink prescription cat-eyes, peeking at us individually. She continued. “I’m Sandra!” She smiled wide, flashing a set of stained dentures. “Can I get you anything? Ice cold water in a bottle, candy…chips?”
“No thanks, we’re okay.”
“You’re sure, young man? I have plenty.” She looked to Sway and Tyler. “Nothing?” The girls were silent, avoiding eye contact.
“Okay, here we go!” As we turned onto the highway, Sandra reached for the radio, turning up the volume.
Sway looked to me. “Really? Religious music? I didn’t know they were allowed to do that.”
Tyler added. “Totally against policy.”
I leaned forward. “I can’t help but notice the new car smell, Miss Sandra! It’s brand new, right?!”
Sandra lowered, still clutching the knob between her fingers and thumb. “Yes. I just got it two weeks ago.”
“This is really nice.” I eyed the interior. “Really nice.”
“I’ve been blessed with the blood of Jesus! All good things come through him and him only!” She grinned. “Don’t ever forget that!” Sandra cranked to the max, singing along in an operatic style that reminded me of mating cats.
Like mischievous children, the girls snickered and giggled.
Tyler, holding back tears, changed the topic. “Were our clocks set forward or backward last night? I keep forgetting which way it goes.”
I chuckled. “It’s Spring forward, Fall back.”
“I never heard of that, Andre. I won’t ever forget now.”
“So I taught you something this time, huh?”
Sandra objected. “You shouldn’t be changing your clocks!” She eyed us from the rearview mirror. “Altering the Lord’s time…”
Sway dipped, looking towards me. “She heard that?”
Sandra continued. “Jesus Christ, my savior and my Lord, is in control of everything… Everything.” She angered. “All this changing god’s time…”
Tyler countered. “The time is not actually changed, ma’am…”
“Oh yes, it is! Every year, they mess with it; you can see it. Look how it starts getting darker later. Every time they go messing with it. They’ll pay for their sins come judgment day.”
“Ma’am, that’s got nothing to do with daylight saving time. Even if we didn’t change our clocks, it would still get darker later.”
Sandra roared with laughter. “You sound like a fool.”
Tyler sharpened. “Lady, again, it has absolutely nothing to do with clocks!”
“Okay, tell me what it is. What it has to do with? I can’t wait to hear what you’ve got to say… I’m listening.”
“It’s the tilt of the Earth that causes it to appear…”
“Oh! I’ve heard this one before! The Earth goes around the sun, right?”
“It does.”
“And it’s hotter in the summer because the Earth is closer to the sun on its orbit, right?”
“That’s actually incorrect. The Earth, in our hemisphere, is farther from the sun during the summer months. It’s closer in the winter…”
“See! Even your own science don’t work. The closer you are to the sun… Wouldn’t that make it hotter? Isn’t the sun hot?” She smirked sarcastically. “Wouldn’t it make sense that if you’re closer, it would be hotter?”
“No, it’s because the Earth is tilted.”
“Riiiiight…” Sandra chuckled.
“I’m not going to try and educate you, ma’am. Google is your friend. Do your own research.”
“I don’t have to look up anything on the Google when I have the Lord right here in my heart.”
“Yet you use it to find addresses…all day.”
“That’s just maps like the old paper maps. They’re programmed into the phone. That’s all that is.”
“That information is real-time and it’s from satellites orbiting the Earth.”
Our mouths were stuffed, filled with stolen bites from our containers, when Tyler turned to us. I cleared my throat. “Keep it going, we’re enjoying the show.”
Tyler looked to Sway. “Get her, Tyler. Stop holding back.”
Sandra probed. “Where do you fellowship? What church do you belong to?”
“Oh, you have no answer, so you…”
“Yeah, yeah, I’d love to have a conversation with you about all the science or whatever. Can you come to my church and pray with me? I promise, when you feel the spirit of the Lord, you’ll…”
“I’m good.”
“So you’re too good for the Lord? You’d prefer to burn in the fiery pits of hell for all eternity? I’m telling you, Jesus Christ is the only way to your salvation.”
“Is that where you want to fucking take it? You old bitch! I’ll play!”
“Please, no profanity!”
“So now you want to play victim? Fuck you! I’m going to prove to you that your fucking bible is full of bullshit. Who is Mrs. Cain?”
“Cain’s wife. That’s who Cain married. But you’re going to have to speak to me without the swearing.”
“Where did she come from?”
Sandra stalled. “She was there…”
“How did she get there? Where did she come from? If Adam and Eve were the first people on earth, they had two boys, Cain and Abel. Cain kills Abel, which leaves only Adam, Eve, and Cain. Where did his wife come from?”
Sandra’s voice trembled. “But that was later…”
“Where did she come from?”
“There were people…”
“Then Adam and Eve could not have been the first.”
“We don’t need to get into all the particulars.”
“Sure, we do. Adam and Eve, along with the rest of that shit in that bible you’re worshiping, are a big fucking lie. You’ve been duped, fooled…brainwashed. It’s a hustle, and that’s all it’s ever been. A hustle.”
“Young lady, please.”
“Don’t cry now! Wipe your tears.”
“I just…”
“You just never had your shit set straight. If you want to believe in whatever you want to believe in, good. I respect that. But don’t fucking try and force that shit on me.”
Sandra pulled up to the front of the hotel. She looked ahead, staring into the bright setting sun as we exited, leaving behind our trash, not even closing the doors.
As we neared the entrance, I stopped, looking back. Sway and Tyler continued. I watched as Sandra’s head dropped, her chin resting on her chest. She broke down, violently sobbing.
Tyler was three for three.
Creole Gaudet
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